I was so excited to go to dinner tonight but that didn’t happen so now i feel completely depressed, and alone cause I got into another argument with my parents. I just feel alone, and i have a boyfriend I can turn to, but i don’t want to. Why? Shouldn’t I want to turn to him? Sometimes it just feels like he doesn’t get it .Sometimes it just feels like i’m over him and I don’t know if its because I havent spent time with him for a while or because I actually am over him…Idk do I still love him or am I just use to him? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i just want to go in the desert and let out a nice scream. I just feel like I cant do this anymore. Cant wait for the new year, new year equals new me which equals new attitude. There are a bajillion thoughts going in my head. Tomorrow is our date together, by the end of the night I decide, either we break up and have some time apart, or I stay with him and accept him for who he is and forget these thoughts of breaking up with him.
I. HATE. THIS.
I feel like i’ve gone mad, i just threw something across the room and sat on my bed in curled up position rocking back and forth, tears falling down my cheeks and making that super angry noise. You know what noise i’m talking about? yeaaa, that one. Now as i’m writing this im thinking wow, talk about over exaggeration! But still i think im partially insane, i mean come on only ill people do this things. Okay so what started all this? Well I was telling my mother about what i was gonna do tomorrow so my father could hear me as well, (he always wants to know what im up to ahead of time, yup im his princess and he’s super protective). Anyways so i was telling my mom, mom after you pick me up from work im gonna drop you off and im going out to dinner with my co-workers. Then my father proceeds to say that oh he doesnt like that i keep going out with these people, he doesnt know them and im too young to understand what “these people” have intentions of doing. Like ARE YOU SERIOUS! WTF first of all, these “people” are my FRIENDS! way better than my regualr friends that my father actually “knows”, my coworkers are actually not druggies. :) so WHAT NOW? and second of all im not dumb! im not stupid! and im not naiive! I know wtf some of these people could be thinking or doing, like fuck im old enough to understand what exists in this world. Then he proceeds to say the most annoying line of all “i know more than you, your too young to know some things”. LIKE WTF are you talking about , DRUGS, SEX? ehh what else? i think my eight year old already knows about these things already. Anyways as much as i love my dad, he is the most stubborn man I know alive, and me being his daughter makes me just as stubborn, so when you argue with him, you have nno opinions or say, its his way or the high way, and this absolutely kills me. Like mental illness status, I CANT WIN, and i cant TAKE IT. So this is why i threw something and proceeded to cry, things just dont go my way with him. They just don;t.
Today I got into an argument with bubby again about him having a job. He goes to University, Junior, and needs to finish this year and the next. So anyways, before he had a job and now that he moved out he says its hard to find a job, but i don’t even feel like he is trying. He says its also hard to have a job when he is focusing on school, but hey if others can be a full time student and have a full time job then he can do it too. I dont know, maybe I’m over reacting? I just dont want his daddy to be paying for everything. How can he take care of me when he cant take care of himself?
Anyways, clearly I cant change this if this is what he wants to do, so Might as well support his decision, right? After all that’s what good girlfriends do right?
What scares me tho? well, is this a flash of our future? Can he support me or is he going to be unstable? I guess, lets just focus on the present and live each day at a time…that’s really all we can all do…
is the biggest piss off for me. I work at a clothing store and well here are two things that as sale associates we need to do…
1) Customer Service + Selling
2) When no costumers are present we CLEAN!
I’ve learned this from day one and have been in the same store for over a year so YES i already know to do those things, so why does my manager feel the need to come every five minutes telling me either, “Hey i need you to talk to customers cause we need to make our goal” or “Okay we need to clean the store looks messy”.
UMMMM HELLLLOOO! I already know this and im already doing this. Why must you feel the need to continually say this to me?
I definitly im starting to hate my job more and more because I have three managers up my AS*. We seriously do so much for these people and for what?…. minimum wage.
I dont need this… i AM DONE.
bet a few of you out there feel the same…
welll i say, we need to take charge and do what we love, we need to be happy to go to work and be sad to leave it, not the other way around.
HUNT for a new lovable job starts…..NOW.
This picture right here is one of the most magical pictures i have ever taken, Yesterday I was at Disneyland with bubbly. Time: 8:30pm. Fireworks right ahead of us. Population: 50 bajillion. Which made it even better. He wrapped his arms around me and we were tight and closer than we could ever be. The fireworks went crazy and looked beautiful, and even though this extremely tall guy stood in front of us and i only had a small peak hole to look through, that moment couldn’t have been any better. But yet it got better, slowly the fake bubble snow fell upon us and i turned and faced him with my arms wrapped around him and my head gently resting on his shoulder. That very moment i realized how safe i felt in his arms and how it would be hard to ever go on a day without him…
share with me a magical moment you’ve had at Disney, i would love to know:)